I’m feeling heavy today.
Waking up this morning to the news across the globe of execution, natural devastation and violent riots. It’s heavy stuff.
I like to fix things. To have everything flowing.
To solve any problems to maintain equilibrium. My world feels out of balance when something or someone is out of sorts.
But I’m learning that to save my own sanity, sometimes you just need to step away.
You know what they say, time heals all wounds. Well I’m the one with my finger on the fast forward button – repeatedly! I’m leaning more and more, that I can only control myself – my mind, my emotions, my actions. I can’t, and never will be able to control anything outside of myself. This is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learnt to date.
What situations or people kill your vibe? Have you removed yourself? If not, why do you keep subjecting yourself to these vibe killers? Is it a false sense of responsibility, fear of judgement, or perhaps it’s simply just become a habit? Know that you can step away at any moment. We always have a choice in life. Freedom is one footstep away.
This has been hard for me, I have to consciously make myself stop, breathe and let go. It’s been tough at times, but what’s even harder is swimming upstream. Constantly trying to force situations that maybe should just be left alone. Sometimes we need to push against the current, and sometimes we just need to let the stream gently guide us along. Deciphering between the two is the challenge.
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”
I’m learning that choosing to step away, and allowing distance to form is sometimes the only thing I can do. Actually, its the best thing I can do. And it’s a choice I have in every moment.
And perhaps it’s in this distance that the solution will come. I don’t know. Only time will tell.
In the meantime I’m putting up my ‘Bad-Vibe Protection’ Shield.
Surround yourself with love, support and kindness – you deserve nothing less.
** GOOD VIBES ONLY **
I made a pretty big decision last week.
One that popped up unexpectedly – it snuck in through the back door like a stealth ninja.
I have decided to stay here in Australia.
This came as a big surprise to me. I wasn’t even home-sick living in Canada! Of course, I missed my friends and family – but I never had those heart-wrenching moments of despair that made me want to pack my bags and leave. It is an amazing place, and I had a fantastic time there. I created friends and memories that will last me a lifetime.
But being home has slowly stolen my heart.
With the whirl-wind that has been my visit home, I didn’t stop and think about what I actually wanted. I just thought I was here for a visit, temporarily – before I was to get back on a plane to Canada. My calendar was jam-packed with coffee dates, dinners, lunches, sweat dates – quality time catch up’s left right and centre! And with the hype leading up to my best friends wedding, I never took the time out to connect back with myself, and check-in with how I was actually feeling.
What do I want? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do?
These were the questions that starting spinning through my mind just three days before my scheduled departure date. Along side these thoughts was an anxiety that took hold of my gut. I didn’t have the luxury of time, which meant I couldn’t afford to hesitate. I had to make a decision quick smart!
Enter the FREAK OUT! Why was I thinking these thoughts? What does all this mean? Am I scared about going back to the unknown, a new city, no job, no home? But I’ve done all that before when I moved overseas, so surely I’m not ‘scared’, I know I can do it. Then I started to question where the anxiety was coming from – maybe I actually just don’t want to go?
I let these thoughts settle, and I sat with them for a day. That was a very uncomfortable 24 hours let me tell you! Not knowing the answer was a hard thing for me.
There were signs popping up all over the place, but it took me a little while to notice them. My living arrangements for Canada fell through, then so did the job I was hoping for. Obviously a huge factor was my Auntie’s health, with the recent news of her diagnosis. All these things caused me to question my motivation for returning.
I could go on an on about the many factors in my decision – but you know the most liberating thing? I didn’t even need to justify my choice. Not to myself, nor to anyone else.
I felt it in my gut.
I knew something didn’t feel right about me leaving. And it was as simple as that. So within 24 hours I had made up my mind about where I wanted to be. I wanted to be here. To be home.
“Always, always trust your first gut instincts. If you feel in your heart and soul that something is wrong, it probably is.”
The moment I made my choice, I felt the anxiety and angst lift. The knot in my stomach and the furrow in my brow just melted away. A HUGE weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It felt right in my body.
I am very much a “let’s weigh up the pro’s and con’s” type girl, someone that writes lists, analyses all the options, and makes decisions based on logic, fact, and what’s “right” for me. This was honestly the first time that I let my own intuition guide me on such a big decision. I can’t express how good that feels!
The biggest take away from all of this?
I GET TO CREATE MY LIFE.
So it’s not so much about where I choose to live geographically. I know I will love my life wherever I am. It’s that I have the power to create whatever I choose. Because I am in control of my own destiny.
I am excited about building my life here, and being surrounded by my loved ones again.
Thank you oh holy gut, you know all the answers.
You are far wiser than I’ll ever be.
I look forward to using you more often.