the dating jungle

So in one week I have been more pro-active in my love life than I have in the past 12 months!

Don’t worry, get your mind out of the gutter, it’s not that kind of action!

This week I was set up on not one, but TWO blind dates *cringe*. And as if that wasn’t enough, I was also challenged to get onto the ‘Tinder’ App by my lovely colleagues. Done and done. Phewww, someone give me a couch to lay on for a while, this work is EXHAUSTING!

For those of you that aren’t aware what ‘Tinder’ is, it’s an app for your phone that allows you to see singles in your area. You swipe through each picture, if you like what you see you swipe to the right, if you don’t, you swipe to the left. That’s right, it’s THAT ruthless! It’s purely based on looks, and if anyone even bothers to look closer – your similar interests based on facebook likes appear. Wow that sh*t’s deep – I’m SURE to find my future husband on this piece of technology! *Sigh*

For this reason I have been extremely hesitant to get onto this app – I think I was scarred from all my awful online dating experiences circa 2011. I spent hours upon hours scouring people’s profiles, and not just the one’s I thought were cute either – I consciously made myself investigate all avenues, to look deeper than surface value and not to make quick judgements. If there was a match, we would email back and forth, and I would think ‘wow, this guy seems really amazing’. And then after all of this we would meet for a drink – and within the first 10 minutes I couldn’t wait to get out of there! They were not the man they proported to be, or that I had interpreted them to be. Nothing can ever beat that real life, in person experience where your gut and your heart rule the roost. After many attempts I had to cease the madness, I just couldn’t go on one more bad date! I would have much rather hung out with my girlfriends, or better yet, had a date with myself.

As I’ve shared before, in the past I have been a lil too attached to having a sense of control over things. I liked to know what was coming and how it was going to pan out. Now this works to a certain extent for most things, but ironically NOT love!

Career? Health? Yup, these guys I have a grip on – for most things if I want to make something happen I just go do it. I want to change positions, departments, or career paths? Then I set myself a goal and work towards it. I want to challenge myself to compete in a swim event? Or a month without sugar? Or an advanced yoga pose? Then I just get to it. But with my personal goals, you know the ones about finding my partner, buying dream home and having kids with said partner? Turns out these ones are a little harder to manage from the control tower.

It’s the one element of my life that ironically I can’t control. And it constantly reminds me of the fact.

The antidote to needing control is TRUST.

Ive tried both avenues; active and passive. I’ve been on blind dates, dating websites and speed dating (yes, I was dragged by a friend of mine!) and all I got was a desire to get as far away from that as possible. So the past few years have been dedicated solely to me. To travel, experiences, personal growth and to selfishness. I wouldnt have had it any other way. So I’ve trekked the road of high effort, and I’ve also cruised down the river of ‘whatever happens’ focusing on self-fulfilment, letting the current guide me along blissfuly unaware. I don’t think either path is necessarily wrong or right. Perhaps as in most things in life, it’s all about the balance.

“Single – it’t not a status, it’s a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.”

Ultimately the whole thing boils down to timing, or perhaps fate (Though I’m not quite sure if I believe in that yet . .).  Thinking that what I do doesn’t so much matter anyway, because when my stars align Mr Right will just waltz on into my life! But after a few years I’m starting to feel he may have taken a wrong turn somewhere. . . (someone throw the man a GPS for gods sake!)

I had a massive realisation while chatting to another single girlfriend the other week – we had the profound insight that my future husband isn’t sitting in my living room! Gasp! Can you believe it? And sadly, he’s not in my female dominated work environment, or in my yoga class either apparently. I’ve already exhausted all my friends husbands, much to my disappointment there were no eligible bachelors hiding in the wings.

So with this knowledge, I have realised I may just need to take the situation into my own hands. It’s time to come down from the grand stand and get on the court so to speak. You know what they say, you gotta be in it to win it!

It’s a dating jungle out there for a single person today – navigating your way through social media platforms, confusing texts, bad dates, awkward conversations, game playing, internet dating and drunken bars – the dating game is definitely NOT for the faint hearted! But you know what, bring on the challenge!

I realise I don’t live in a vacuum. I live in a culture, and am part of a society where this kind of thing is not only accepted, it’s actively encouraged – “everyone’s doing it!” is the chorus I’m constantly sung. You’re made to feel that if you’re not involved, you are missing out. Or worse, that you aren’t really trying to find someone.

Previous rant aside, you know what gives me hope? That we are all just human. We are all connected through the the common ground of being – we all seek love and respect. I’m sure there are many men reading this that have had exactly the same experiences, or worse. And there are uqually as many people that have had total success with these avenues and are now happily married to their dream boat.

We are all searching for the same thing – to find that spark, that connection, that person who instills a love in you you never knew existed.

It’s a tall order, I know. But I refuse to settle, or to lower my expectations. I am, and always will be a true romantic.

I choose to stand in possibility. To believe that behind one of these camouflaged doors is my perfect match.

Only time will tell. So I need to remember – focus on the journey, not the destination.

“Not everyone that is single is lonely; not everyone that is taken is in love.”