‘Become selfish’. To most people this statement sounds exactly what it states – selfish. An instruction to become a naval-gasing, egotistical and self centred human being.
Selfish. A little word that comes with a WHOLE load of luggage. I’m sure we’ve all been accused of being selfish at some point in our lives, it doesn’t feel very nice does it?
I was discussing this topic with some other coaches this week, and it became abundantly clear that there’s no way you can serve other people if you are not first serving yourself. How can we be the best version of ourselves when we have dismissed all our own innate desires? When a plane is crashing there is a reason we are advised to fix our own oxygen mask before attempting to help others. . . It seems so simple, yet why do we put our own needs and wants behind those of others?
Are we doing it because we are afraid of being labelled ‘selfish’? A desire to be complimented like a martyr? Or are we simply in the habit because we’ve done it our whole lives? Perhaps we witnessed our parents doing this and we’re now modelling that behaviour? We are all lead by different motivations, so take a second to think about where this stems from for you.
What if we reframed the world selfish, to self-interest? This may seem like a minor change – but they’re whole worlds apart:
Self-interest – behaving and making choices based on a commitment to dong what serves you the best, with a high regard for the interests of others.
Selfish – acting exclusively in your own self-intrest, usually in competition with, and sometimes at the cost of, the self-interest of others.
“For the sake of your personal fulfilment, you need to redefine selfish to mean you make sure you live a life that fulfils you, and not just makes people around you comfortable.”
You all know how important this is, because when we are looking after ourselves, and serving our own needs – we feel different. I’ve shared with you before about making your happiness a priority, and creating a ‘dream day recipe‘. For me, being self-serving means going back to basics – looking after my body inside and out. It means showing up on my yoga mat, reaching for the kale salad instead of the gluten, sugar laced option. It means getting enough sleep every night. It means keeping a positive outlook, and distancing myself from drama. It also means making time to just ENJOY myself – catch ups with friends, nights out, and trips away. It also involves a big dose of nature.
Yup, when these things are all in check I am loving my life! When I am being self-serving, I know that I am a much better colleague, sister, daughter and friend. I have filled up my own cup, and am now in a space to share this good energy with those around me.
I also know how I feel when I lose sight of my own needs. I lack energy, I get cranky, easily stressed, and fall into a downward spiral that generally doesn’t lead to a good place.
What does self-interest mean to you?
The first and most important step is to define it. Most of us have no idea what we really want. Our core values can sometimes get buried away under layers of ego and ‘looking good’ – trying to fit in, or trying to avoid conflict. Take the time to really think about what matters most to you. What things, when consistently maintained, would have the biggest impact on your quality of life? Jot down your answers to ponder over.
Ways to be wonderfully selfish:
- Know what you want
- Make sure you live according to your values so you have more to give others
- Unhook yourself from people who want to keep you playing small
- Hook up with people who celebrate you succeeding
- Do something wonderfully selfish each day
- Say no occasionally
- Develop daily rituals of exercise and personal health
From today, begin to focus more on those self-serving activities.
Make them part of your daily routine – like flossing your teeth!
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