A big part of being human is being told we should tolerate lots of things we don’t like, you know the story – “Don’t complain…” “Life is difficult…” “Don’t rock the boat…” etc. It’s all good advice, but sometimes our tolerations compromise our lives.
Sacrifices drain you. They also get to be a great excuse for not making things happen.
Tolerations often represent compromises you’ve talked yourself into. When you tolerate, what you do care about becomes mediocre at best, because it takes energy to put up with so much AND be great at the stuff you do care about.
You are tolerating more than you think.
Tolerations come in all shapes and sizes. For some it may be the bit of carpet you trip on everyday in the hallway, the chip in your windscreen, not setting time aside for things that are important to you like meditating, gardening or dreaming. It could be toxic relationships, or a messy work station, or the hours of time wasted watching tv. It could be a partner that doesn’t respect you, or working at a job you don’t love every day.
You might blow up occasionally in frustration. You might shut down. You might start avoiding some people. You might become Mr. Nice Guy/Gal and learn to not voice what you want.
I recently reviewed the tolerations in my life – looking at everything from my physical environment, to health & emotional balance, money and relationships.
What was so clear to me in this process, was that where I’m out of wack in my life is in the area of my physical environment. I have chosen to stay at home since returning from overseas last year. For a number of reasons, mainly to save money and continue to build my house-deposit (the short-term pain for long-term gain theory). I made a conscious choice, and have always remained in choice around this situation. I’ve known at any moment if it wasn’t working for me I could change my mind, and it has worked well up until this point.
Now I realise that by choosing this living arrangement, I have been tolerating a lack of independence, my own space, and to a degree, my freedom. I am so lucky to be in a position where I can be at home, I know most people don’t have that luxury. But now after consideration (and a meeting with my mortgage broker) I have decided to shelve this goal for now, and focus instead on re-connecting to my freedom. To building a home, a rented home, but my home none the less.
This tolerations exercise made me realise just how important a home is to me. To love where I live, to feel complete ease and comfort in my very own space. To surround myself with beautiful things, to live in the geographical area I chose, to have time, space and freedom in my life. To be in a productive and inspiring environment. These things matter to me, and I was compromising them. I put my ‘sensible’ hat on and made the smartest financial choice, but not necessarily the right choice for ME.
So it’s time to bring my things out of storage, and to actively create the environment I am seeking.
Whatever your tolerations, simply becoming aware of the things you are tolerating will bring them to the forefront of your soul, and you’ll naturally start handling, eliminating, fixing and resolving these tolerations.
So what are YOU tolerating?
- Walk yourself through all the different aspects of your life, sensing any potential tolerations
- Make a list of ten things you’re currently tolerating
- Understand that putting up with things is good for no one
- What actions can you take to eliminate these tolerations? Schedule these actions.
- What are you getting out of tolerating stuff? What needs are being met?
Be committed to being toleration free.
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