Julia Matheson
I had some great me-time last week. I took my old life vision, pulled it apart and fleshed it out. I got clear on the details. It felt so real, I could almost taste it. It was so refreshing!
I get so much inspiration from doing this. It gives me clarity, excitement and a sense of drive that I’ve chosen that life, I get to create it.
I went for run this morning, and it triggered my memory to coaching I received from my gorgeous friend Freya (a runner herself – and I’m talking BIG-time runner – cue marathons, and mountain peak trail races.)
Freya analysed my running technique on a trail run in Whistler, and noticed my feet were striking the ground heel first, which was effectively hindering my momentum of moving forward. Because instead of using my whole power to push off the ground and spring myself forward, by landing on my heel, I was limiting my projection. [Read more…]
There’s been much in the movies about female warriors. Women with bows, arrows and bravery. And thank god, it’s a refreshing change from the typical damsel in distress characters we usually see.
But what about off the silver screen in our everyday lives? How do we show courage and bravery in a world filled with such anxiety, fear and worry? We are human beings terrified of each other – what will they think? what will they say? We are so scared of people that we can barely look a stranger in the eye as we walk down the street. [Read more…]
I’m floating on a cloud.
I have just returned home from a fabulous evening – the first session of the BE INSPIRED workshops.
Emma Palmer lead an incredible session on the ancient Yoga principles and how they can apply to creating our life vision and purpose. We were lead through a deep, powerful meditation that really opened up our minds and hearts. [Read more…]
Save the date for a brand new Love Your Life event!
Join Emma Palmer (founder of Moksha Yoga) and I for a two-part workshop series.
With Valentines Day on our doorstep, I couldn’t resist writing a little bit about the best four letter word there is – L O V E.
Love is the single one word that has been written about and spoken about in the world for centuries. It is the source of pleasure, pain, comfort and sorrow. It has been the source of creative inspiration for art, poetry, film and literature. Love, I believe, is the reason we are all here. [Read more…]
Isn’t it ironic that the most important conversations we have, are often the ones we totally screw up?!
When the stakes are high, our ability to communicate decreases.
Think about it, our emotions run high when it’s a person, or a topic close to our hearts. Be it a difficult conversation with your best friend, a lover’s quarrel with your partner, workplace tension, or voicing your opinion in a family dispute. Yet when it’s something we feel neutral about, oh yes – the clearest, easiest, most effective communication yet!
Our bodies are hard-wired to react with the flight or fight response – yet now days we’re not running from wild lions, there is no imminent danger to our lives. We are just trying to communicate clearly, and effectively to other people about something really important to us. That level of emotion, and physical response isn’t really necessary anymore, in fact it completely hinders our ability to succeed.
Hardly fair is it?
Think about the last time you had a difficult conversation with someone. How did you feel? How did the conversation go? Did you feel like you were in control, composed, clearly expressing your view? Or was your heart beating faster, underarms a little damp, face a little hotter – trying hard to communicate candidly, but getting lost in translation? Sometimes I feel like these conversations are a runaway train that I am desperately trying to get back on track.
I often find that the level of success I have with crucial conversations directly correlates to the level of importance I place on them.
When I have no emotional involvement, I am detached from the situation and/or the outcome – and of course, that’s when I communicate the best. But flip that over to something I’m deeply attached to, or invested in, and boom – all effective verbal communication seems to fail me.
“We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.” – Thomas Moore
Thankfully there’s some tools we can utilise to better equip ourselves for these difficult conversations. Because remember, these are the ones that are the most important to us. They are the ones that will affect us the most, so you want to make sure they go well.
5 crucial conversation tools
1. Breathe – sounds simple, but sometimes hitting the pause button, biting your tongue and reconnecting to your breath is the most effective thing you can do. It gives your body a chance for the emotion to subside a little, and for you to gain clarity on how you want to proceed.
2. Listen – listen, listen, listen and then ask strategic questions. We often listen only with the intent to reply, as opposed to actually understanding what the other person is trying to convey. So before you start forming your response, or planning your next sentence, STOP. Clear your mind and listen purely with the intent to understand.
3. Commit – get clear on what you are committed to through the conversation. When emotions boil up to the surface, take a moment to remember why you are having this conversation. What brought you here? What are you committed to achieving? Focus on the outcome, rather than the twists and bends in the process. If you focus on your own commitment, you will worry less about how the other person reacts or responds. Having a commitment will steer you in the right direction.
4. Enrol – share with the other person what it is that you are comitted to. Having the commitment is one thing, but sharing it gains much more strength. Enrol them into what it is that you want to create or achieve together. You have the ability to move, touch or inspire them into the possibility of you both achieving this outcome together, as a team. This removes the ‘you’ Vs ‘me’ mentality, and breaks down the barriers preventing effective communication.
5. Reconvene – If all else fails, know that you can remove yourself from the situation. You are not a tree. Perhaps the best action is to take a step back, reflect, debrief and gather your thoughts. So that you can re-enter the conversation at a later date more effectively. Time is a magical healer. Just don’t wait too long, a day or two max. Don’t let things linger as the conversation will become harder the longer you put it off.
* Remember – YOU ARE NOT RUNNING FROM LIONS! !
You are just TALKING.
So pop these tools in your tool belt the next time you enter a crucial conversation. You might just find that you can nail these little tough guys!
Like anything, these will become easier with practice.
“I resolve to make each tough conversation better than the last.”
I don’t know when the exact moment was, but somehow over the years I have developed an allergic reaction to gossip.
I can go from the life of the party, to a complete mute when those around me start talking about other people. I’m sure I used to love it at some stage, but now it actually makes me feel a little ill.
We have one life, we have such a limited time together on this earth – why spend it with your loved ones talking about other people? I just don’t understand it. There are far more interesting, inspiring, important and exciting things to talk about than other people. Here are just a few suggestions –
It makes me sad when the conversation steers down this path. Because I know I just can’t connect to people the way I want to when the big fat ‘G’ enters the conversation. I find it extremely alienating. And I’m not talking about the Brad & Angelina type gossip either, that, to a certain degree is harmless. I’m talking about people you know, friends, relatives, colleagues – that kind of thing.
Gossip can make people feel closer to one another, it can provide connection and alliances. And who can really blame us for gossiping, when every time you pick up a magazine or flick on the tv you get an overdose of celebrity gossip. It’s rampant in our society.
I get why people do it, but it also doesn’t make it right.
I’m cultivating the courage to say something in these moments, or to just walk away and remove myself from the situation. But I’m realising that it is so ingrained in our culture, it’s such a socially acceptable topic of conversation around the dinner table – that in turn I may ruffle a few feathers with my reaction. Well, let them ruffle.
Some scientists believe we are all hard-wired for gossip –
“It stems from an evolutionary need Gossip evolved in a village society where everybody knew everybody else and successful navigation of local political complexities had a direct impact on reproductive success.” John Hardy, neuroscientist.
But nowadays there is no reproductive impact to our species by talking about the Jones’s.
If you are talking about someone else because you are concerned about them, great – but make sure your conversation is centred around trying to understand the situation, or how you can help them, or what actions you can take, instead of just gas-bagging about other’s misfortunes in the guise of ‘caring’, when in fact you don’t plan to do anything to help. If you really are concerned about someone, pick up the phone, better yet, go and see them.
A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talk to each other, instead of about each other.
Talk to them – not to others. This may take more courage, it may be harder, and sometimes even a bit scary – but what if the shoe was on the other foot, wouldn’t you want this simple form of respect? I’m sure, like me, you’ve been on the receiving end of gossip at some point in your life – how did that feel? What emotions came up for you? What would you have loved to happen instead?
When I was little teachers and mothers alike used to lament “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.” But it seems we have forgotten this childhood rule.
We all need to vent, to talk things through, to make sense of things in our own minds by talking to our partners, or our best friends – this is extremely healthy, and important for ourselves and our relationships. But there is a HUGE difference between this, and discussing other people for something to talk about. In the former, we are seeking understanding and even advice as to handle a situation, in the latter we are merely gossiping with no intent to help the other person at all.
I don’t want this to come across as ‘holier than thou’. I’m scared it is, and I’m writing it anyway. I just want to raise awareness that not everyone is stoked to be included in the gossip circle. Yes it makes some people feel included and closer – but for others it’s isolating.
We are all just living and learning how to be humans, myself included.
Use your words to lift people up, not bring them down.
So the next time you are faced with this situation, I hope you have the courage to say something, to stand up for what you believe in – rather than sitting in silence, or even worse, joining in.
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
* post note – bunnies look cute when they gossip, humans do not.
Wow our VISION + VINYASA event this weekend was incredible!
On behalf of Jenny Clark and I, THANK YOU so much to all that came on down to participate in the workshop. We are so grateful to you. Together, we stretched our minds and bodies. You really gave your all to the work, a truly inspiring group.
We love what we do, and it was so special to be able to share our passions with you. I hope you had as much fun as I did, and I look forward to hearing more on your Vision & Goals!
Stay tuned for more events coming your way in 2014.
Here’s a couple of happy snaps from the workshop –
What are the things you are passionate about in life?
Like many Australians, the ocean is one of my biggest loves. There’s nothing I like more than spending a day at the beach under the water.
I am also a firm advocate for standing up for what you believe in.
I don’t normally write about politics, but this is a topic very close to my heart. I believe I have a responsibility to help raise more awareness.
Knowledge is power. And when you know better, you do better.
Sadly, of late the Australian government has made some poor decisions not only for our country, but for the world.
1. Industrial development, the Great Barrier Reef, QLD.
One of the Seven Natural Wonders Of The World. Yes that’s right, approval has been granted to build one of the world’s biggest coal export facilities inside the Great Barrier Reef World Heritage Area. This would see a brand new coal terminal adjacent to a turtle nesting beach, bushland trashed on the World Heritage listed Curtis Island, and 3 million cubic metres of seabed ripped up and dumped inside the Reef World Heritage Area.
Luckily with the advocacy of Green Peace, a petition with 70,000 signatures was delivered to Environment Minister Greg Hunt’s door. Independent enquiries and investigations are now underway – let’s hope this is enough to stop the project.
Diving on the Great Barrier Reef is probably the biggest highlight of my life. It is such a magical place. A true example of just how wonderful the world is in all it’s natural glory. I really hope that many many more generations of people to come will be able to enjoy this natural wonder.
2. Shark culling policy, W.A.
A Shark massacre has just been approved for our western shores. The once protected Great White shark is now allowed to be caught and killed under the new shark culling policy. This has been regarded as a knee-jerk emotional reaction, one that is not based on scientific research.
Some interesting facts: In Australia jellyfish stings have caused at least 60 recorded deaths compared to 202 deaths from shark attacks. The chance of drowning is over 1000 times greater than dying from a shark attack.
Please take a second to sign the Shark Cull Petition by Green Peace
Sadly, it doesn’t stop there. Over in Japan 22,000 dolphins are slaughter every year. The worst happens at the annual dolphin killing season in the secret cove of Taiji. What’s even more tragic is that most of the Japanese people don’t even know it’s happening. I highly recommend watching The Cove, an eye-opening documentary that highlights not only the harrowing cruelty to animals, but also the damaging effect the mercury contaminated dolphin meat (being sold as whale) is having on deforming and killing it’s own people. Here’s a link to The Cove trailer.
Our oceans, and the animals and reef systems within them have been around since the dawn of time. Long before humans arrived on this earth, and certainly well before our current Government was elected. What makes us think we are better than nature? What makes us approve these kinds of atrocious decisions? We have a responsibility to protect, and conserve our precious world so that it may survive for far longer than we ever will.
We are part of nature, we are all one. We have a responsibility to protect the world we live in, to stand up for mother nature.
I’m sorry to say it, but it makes me ashamed to be Australian.
What gives me hope though, is the thousands upon thousands of people who are advocating, challenging, raising awareness – standing up to the Government and holding steadfast to their beliefs. It is these people who make me proud. It’s finite proof that together we can make a difference.
We as a people are so much better than these acts against nature.
Apathy is our worst enemy in situations like these. I know that sometimes the issues seem so big that you don’t even know where to start. Well awareness is the key. Research the facts, talk to people, talk to your friends, your colleagues, your local government. Start the conversation.
But awareness without action is wasted, so make sure you support the change-makers around you, be it Green Peace, The Sea Shepherd, or your local community groups. If there is no person or group currently advocating change, then perhaps it’s time for YOU to step up?
There is HUGE power in numbers.
Together we can make a difference.
