I’m feeling heavy today.
Waking up this morning to the news across the globe of execution, natural devastation and violent riots. It’s heavy stuff.
act as if
I had an interesting conversation with a friend last night. He wanted to change jobs, change careers infact, but felt he was under qualified for some of the positions that were available. It brought to mind for me the misleading notion of ‘readiness’ – when are we ever really ready?
the power of language
You are what you say you are.
This is the power of the spoken word – both what we speak out loud, and what we say to ourselves.
“Words affect the mind in a pronounced way. Whether they are spoken or written, they are powerful influences. While what you say to others is important, even more important is what you say to yourself.”
gossip free zone
I don’t know when the exact moment was, but somehow over the years I have developed an allergic reaction to gossip.
I can go from the life of the party, to a complete mute when those around me start talking about other people. I’m sure I used to love it at some stage, but now it actually makes me feel a little ill.
We have one life, we have such a limited time together on this earth – why spend it with your loved ones talking about other people? I just don’t understand it. There are far more interesting, inspiring, important and exciting things to talk about than other people. Here are just a few suggestions –
It makes me sad when the conversation steers down this path. Because I know I just can’t connect to people the way I want to when the big fat ‘G’ enters the conversation. I find it extremely alienating. And I’m not talking about the Brad & Angelina type gossip either, that, to a certain degree is harmless. I’m talking about people you know, friends, relatives, colleagues – that kind of thing.
Gossip can make people feel closer to one another, it can provide connection and alliances. And who can really blame us for gossiping, when every time you pick up a magazine or flick on the tv you get an overdose of celebrity gossip. It’s rampant in our society.
I get why people do it, but it also doesn’t make it right.
I’m cultivating the courage to say something in these moments, or to just walk away and remove myself from the situation. But I’m realising that it is so ingrained in our culture, it’s such a socially acceptable topic of conversation around the dinner table – that in turn I may ruffle a few feathers with my reaction. Well, let them ruffle.
Some scientists believe we are all hard-wired for gossip –
“It stems from an evolutionary need Gossip evolved in a village society where everybody knew everybody else and successful navigation of local political complexities had a direct impact on reproductive success.” John Hardy, neuroscientist.
But nowadays there is no reproductive impact to our species by talking about the Jones’s.
If you are talking about someone else because you are concerned about them, great – but make sure your conversation is centred around trying to understand the situation, or how you can help them, or what actions you can take, instead of just gas-bagging about other’s misfortunes in the guise of ‘caring’, when in fact you don’t plan to do anything to help. If you really are concerned about someone, pick up the phone, better yet, go and see them.
A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talk to each other, instead of about each other.
Talk to them – not to others. This may take more courage, it may be harder, and sometimes even a bit scary – but what if the shoe was on the other foot, wouldn’t you want this simple form of respect? I’m sure, like me, you’ve been on the receiving end of gossip at some point in your life – how did that feel? What emotions came up for you? What would you have loved to happen instead?
When I was little teachers and mothers alike used to lament “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.” But it seems we have forgotten this childhood rule.
We all need to vent, to talk things through, to make sense of things in our own minds by talking to our partners, or our best friends – this is extremely healthy, and important for ourselves and our relationships. But there is a HUGE difference between this, and discussing other people for something to talk about. In the former, we are seeking understanding and even advice as to handle a situation, in the latter we are merely gossiping with no intent to help the other person at all.
I don’t want this to come across as ‘holier than thou’. I’m scared it is, and I’m writing it anyway. I just want to raise awareness that not everyone is stoked to be included in the gossip circle. Yes it makes some people feel included and closer – but for others it’s isolating.
We are all just living and learning how to be humans, myself included.
Use your words to lift people up, not bring them down.
So the next time you are faced with this situation, I hope you have the courage to say something, to stand up for what you believe in – rather than sitting in silence, or even worse, joining in.
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
* post note – bunnies look cute when they gossip, humans do not.
good vibes only
I like to fix things. To have everything flowing.
To solve any problems to maintain equilibrium. My world feels out of balance when something or someone is out of sorts.
But I’m learning that to save my own sanity, sometimes you just need to step away.
You know what they say, time heals all wounds. Well I’m the one with my finger on the fast forward button – repeatedly! I’m leaning more and more, that I can only control myself – my mind, my emotions, my actions. I can’t, and never will be able to control anything outside of myself. This is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learnt to date.
What situations or people kill your vibe? Have you removed yourself? If not, why do you keep subjecting yourself to these vibe killers? Is it a false sense of responsibility, fear of judgement, or perhaps it’s simply just become a habit? Know that you can step away at any moment. We always have a choice in life. Freedom is one footstep away.
This has been hard for me, I have to consciously make myself stop, breathe and let go. It’s been tough at times, but what’s even harder is swimming upstream. Constantly trying to force situations that maybe should just be left alone. Sometimes we need to push against the current, and sometimes we just need to let the stream gently guide us along. Deciphering between the two is the challenge.
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”
I’m learning that choosing to step away, and allowing distance to form is sometimes the only thing I can do. Actually, its the best thing I can do. And it’s a choice I have in every moment.
And perhaps it’s in this distance that the solution will come. I don’t know. Only time will tell.
In the meantime I’m putting up my ‘Bad-Vibe Protection’ Shield.
Surround yourself with love, support and kindness – you deserve nothing less.
** GOOD VIBES ONLY **
ready. set. goals.
THIS is how I feel after the READY. SET. GOALS. workshop last night!!
A HUGE thank you to everyone that came down. It’s a true privilege for me to be able to share my passion with you.
I hope you now have the tools & knowledge to ROCK 2014!!! (and beyond . . )
Stay tuned for more events in the pipeline!
Whats one thing you can do today that will bring you closer to your one year goal?
Go do it!
Much love
xxx
10 steps to rock your life
Want to increase your quality of your life?
Achieve some really big goals?
Check out these rad ideas by Christine Comaford-Lynch. . .
10 STEPS TO BUILD YOUR MOMENTUM
1. Rock responsibility. Say bye bye to blaming others because your life isn’t working or you don’t have what you want. Ditto for complaining, which is blame disguised. You’re no ones victim. Everything in our lives, good or bad, is the result of our actions or thoughts. When we take 100% responsibility for our lives were acknowledging this, which then enables us to improve our situation. Responsibility is an active pursuit.
2. Get visual. Visualise your goals being achieved and act on making them happen. Your goals should include what you want to achieve, and a by-when date. Keep track of how you’re progressing. It will work wonders in focusing yourself and keeping you on track.
3. Solicit superb support. A supportive tribe is necessary to getting stuff done. Two ways are a) an accountability partner, or b) a master mind group. An accountability partner is a friend or colleague who will help you stay accountable to your commitments. A mastermind group is a group of like mined people who help further one another’s goals on a group basis.
4. Toss toxicity. You probably have some toxic people in your life right now. They’re the folks who seem to want to hold you back or bring you down. Know anyone who actively hampers your ability to advance? They’re deflators, energy vampires. You can choose to ignore them or let their negativity bounce off you. If you’re not sure if someone is toxic, just monitor how you feel after spending time with them. Feel furious? Exhausted? Despondent? You’ve got a life one: get out of the isolation suit!
5. Pump up the positive. Use only positives when you talk to yourself about your goals. Negative self talk fosters a negative self image, which results in negative behaviours. We sabotage ourselves far more than anyone sabotages us, (‘see? I knew they wouldn’t hire me/ask me out/give me the award.’). List your strengths. Don’t list your shortcomings; instead, reframe them as strengths you want to develop. Another way to accentuate the positive is to read inspiring books, listen to uplifting motivating CD’s or podcasts. Surround yourself with upbeat energy.
6. Log onto the Law Of Attraction. You’ve heard the saying ‘what you focus on, you become’ – thats the idea of the law of attraction. When you develop a clear idea of what you want, focus on it, and feel good about it, your mind will consider your wishes to be marching orders. The universe will conspire to help to make your dreams come true. This is why you have to know what you want, look at images of what you want, imagine yourself already having it, and do the work required to make your dreams come true. As Norman Vincent Peale put it, “formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture.“
7. Persevere. You’re probably going to have a healthy number of so-called failures and rejection your career and life. The key is how you view them and whether you let them hold you back. I think of failures as ‘learning adventures’ to reduce their negative impact. As Henry Ford said, ‘Failure gives us the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” Its ok to be afraid, and its certainly okay to fail, and everybody gets rejected. Prepare for these inevitable knocks.
8. Pay attention. One of the fundamental attitudes you need to cultivate is constantly paying attention to whats going on around you. That may seem obvious, but its not just about focusing closely on what you’re doing. Sometimes when your concentrating on what you’re doing, you miss the important stuff. While you’re concentrating on the cracks in the sidewalk, you miss the rainbow. We are all oblivious at times, but the more you increase your attention to life, the more present you are, the more you’ll notice opportunities. Cultivate the ability to laser focus and scan your surroundings.
9. Continuously course-correct. We all make mistakes. The more honest we are, the more likely well avoid mistakes or recognise them immediately and be able to clean them up quickly. The more we clean up our messes, the less guilt, regret, or baggage we have, the lighter our load is, and the easier it becomes to rise above petty issues and see more clearly. Clearer vision results in better decisions.
10. Celebrate success. You took the risks, now celebrate the reward. What’s a compelling way to reward yourself? That’s your motivation. Celebration will make the work worth it.
fear of being left behind?
Today I realised that I can count all my single friends on one hand.
Talk about a wake-up call. Wow, when did that happen?
Slowly but surely, my circle of friends has partnered off, one by one, and are now either engaged or married.
That’s to be expected as you enter your thirties, that’s the way life goes doesn’t it?
It’s been such a beautiful thing to witness and be part of these celebrations. Sharing these special experiences with my friends has been wonderful. I truly am so happy for them. (And I don’t say that with a forced smile, deep down resenting my friends for finding happiness. Not at all, I am genuinely happy for them).
But this has also been a time where fomo (fear of missing out) rears its ugly little head.
This is me being real and vulnerable with you. . .
The worry creeps in now and then, that I am somehow ‘behind’ all of my friends, and that I am missing out. That my life has been put on hold until I find ‘the one’. Sometimes I feel like the person that no one picked for their team, standing alone, looking at everyone else together, and happy.
Even though these thoughts are fleeting, and don’t by any means consume me – they still appear. Yup, fomo can be a real bit*ch!
“Comparison is the thief of joy” – Theodore Roosevelt
Why do I feel like I’m missing out anyway? Like there’s only a certain number of soul-mates, and that when other’s find their partner, that some how, my own chances are diminished? Ridiculous.
I hear people talk about their ‘time running out’, and unfortunately for women of a certain age this is a real fact. We do hear the loud ticking of our biological clocks – as it means either not being able to conceive, or running the risk of pregnancy complications, birth defects and more. Luckily I’m not at that point, but this is real stuff for some women. You can’t chant that away, or positive-phsyc yourself out of that situation. No amount of crystals, or incense is going to change the fact that yes, our eggs do have an expiry date.
Plus there’s the old chestnut of “I don’t want to be 65 years old at my child’s 21st birthday!”. Yup, I can relate to that one. I’ve always wanted to be a young-mum, so that I can relate to my kids, and have the energy to keep up with them! Plus, how cool would it be to be a great-grandma one day? If you had of asked me ten years ago, I would have said by now I would have already have popped out two kids!
It seems like adding insult to injury when you start to see ex-boyfriends get engaged and tie the knot – even the ones that spoke about fear of commitment, and not wanting marriage in their lives. It’s easy to feel like we’re prepping our partners for marriage, doing all the ground-work – only to have someone else reap all the benefits of our hard work! haha yes, I’m LAUGHING as a type this! It’s so ridiculous.
These thoughts are definitely not my beliefs, yet they still pop up – the preverbal devil on my shoulder – to test my strength and faith. Why do we do this to ourselves? Our minds work in mysterious ways.
We don’t have a say over how many of these things in life will pan out, but here’s what YOU CAN DO –
You can CHOOSE the perspective you take, and the attitude you hold.
I could sit here and whine about “when is it my turn?”, or lament about the fact that I don’t have a big bunch of single girlfriends to go out with anymore – but what good would that do? How would that make me feel? It’s not going to change my situation, not only that, it’s actually going to make me feel worse for it.
I know that my time hasn’t come yet. I have no angst or worry about if, and when, it will come either.
I have my health, a great circle of friends, a loving family – and most importantly, the relationship I have with myself is stellar! Now those are things to be thankful for. Gratitude has an incredible way of tipping the scales in our favour.
I love my life, my independence, and I wouldn’t change one thing about the choices I’ve made. My experiences have made me who I am, and I am forever grateful for having such a rich and full life.
The most important relationship we will ever have, is the one with ourself.
Love begins with us. How pure is the love between two people that barely even love themselves? To stay with someone because your scared of being alone, or to think you won’t find a better partner – these are not reasons to stay in a relationship. Personally, I would rather be alone and happy, than in a relationship and unhappy. Hands down. I have experienced the latter, and will never allow myself to be in that situation again. But that’s just me, and we all choose our own path.
I love myself today far more than I ever have. I am clear about who I am as a person. I have had the time to grow and expand alone, without letting myself be defined by another. I know what I want from a relationship, and what I have to contribute. I know what I deserve, and what I will, and will not compromise on.
I am so clear on what I want to create for my life, and look forward to meeting someone to share it all with. Someone to give love to, to support, to encourage. I want a relationship that makes us better people, that lifts us both up and brings out our best qualities – otherwise, what’s the point?
In the meantime, instead of waiting for my prince charming – I’m going to treasure myself, prioritise my happiness, make time for me – and tell myself ‘I love you’ every day.
Yup I’m starting a love-affair with myself, and it’s going to be hot and steamy!
Mills & Boon, eat your heart out.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”
– Oscar Wilde
the roller coaster of life
It’s been so nice to be home. I’ve spent the last few weeks spending time with my family, catching up with old friends (and their new babies!), soaking up the fresh ocean air, practicing yoga and celebrating my best friends wedding.
The excitement of all these things has been juxtaposed with the news that my closest Aunty has lung cancer.
I found this out the day I left Canada. I was checking my emails on the way to the airport and there it was, written in front of me, the three words no one ever wants to hear – I have cancer.
I couldn’t wait to get back home be with her and my family. The news made an already long journey seem extra extra long! I felt like I would never get home, such long flights, delays, sitting in transit at airports. . . But after nearly 2 days of travel, I finally touched down in Australia.
My auntie had been rushed to hospital the week prior with chest pains, thinking it may have been a heart attack, or angina. Thankfully her heart is great. What they did find however, were two growths on her lung. The test results from the biopsy then came back confirming our worst fear.
Like many of you, my family has lost too many people prematurely to this disease. I’ve shared before about how these kinds of events can shake you, and give you a new perspective on life – my post ‘clarity through loss’.
“At every point in the life cycle, we are vulnerable to the impact of unexpected events that tear off our mask, shake us out of our complacency and propel us into some serious thinking about what matters. People who have lived through life-changing events can often be heart to say, Why did it take a crisis to bring us to our sense? We always knew what was important, but we didnt act as if we knew.” Hugh Mackay
I’m in complete admiration at how my Aunty is handling the news. She has the bravery of a soldier, facing this challenge head on with such a great attitude. Sometimes with the Big C, our attitude is half the battle. Our mindset is so very important, and at times like this it becomes even more so. It takes a certain courage and strength of will, to not just fall into an emotional heap. Not her. She is so pragmatic and positive – just getting on with living her life!
Experiencing this challenging time has really made me appreciate what’s important. After all, it’s the low points in life that often make us appreciate the highs.
Without darkness, we cannot know the light.
who fuels you?
Do you realise how powerful your words of encouragement are?
Why is it that we hang onto negative comments, or constructive feedback so much tighter than we do positive, kind words?
I can bring to mind within seconds any comments that have been critical, constructive or downright hurtful – yet ask me to list all the wonderful, positive affirmations that I have received over the years and I’d have to really rummage around to find these buried deep in the recesses of my memory bank.
Most people I coach are exactly the same. When asked what they are great at, what they do best in the world – the answers trickle in slowly and cautiously, like pulling teeth. Yet when I ask people to step outside of themselves, and think about what other people would say; what they are often complimented on, what people rely on them for, what their friends or family would say they are great at – it becomes so much easier to rattle off their strengths.
Why do we do this?!
Perhaps it’s a fear of looking full of ourselves, or that we will seem too ego driven.
Or perhaps we are better at acknowledging the greatness in others, ahead of the greatness in ourselves.
So I shared with you previously how a year ago I took the plunge, and moved to the other side of the world. What i didn’t tell you, was the support network that gave me the courage to leap into the unknown.
I am blessed to come from one of the most nurturing families on earth. As the years go by, I am feeling more and more grateful. I have only been met with possibility, love, support and encouragement from all of them, and this was so evident when I made the decision to move overseas. My chosen people, my “sista’s from anotha mista” are also responsible for giving me the strength and belief in myself that made this scary big move possible.
These people really did fuel me on my adventure.
I took three pieces of gold with me onto the plane that day. Three handwritten letters, from my twin sister, and my two best friends.
I knew it was going to be one of those ugly cry moments when I finally read them. As I sat on the plane on the third leg of my epic flight, I finally felt ready to open them. At the risk of sounding like I’m tooting my own horn, I want to share some excerpts from these letters with you. In doing so I hope to highlight how important our relationships are with each other, and the power that we all have in supporting those we love:
- “If there were to be anyone taking a trip like this with such an open mind, heart and determination to explore the world – it would be you. With your passion for adventure, optimistic attitude and zest for life, only time will tell what magical knowledge, experience, and people you will meet along the way . . . you are a gift to this world and it is waiting for you to experience it all.”
- “Wishing you the most fun filled, adventurous and life changing trip! Smile, dance, sing and enjoy every single day of your amazing adventure! I’ll be there with you in spirit!! I’ll miss you madly and be thinking of you constantly.”
- “You have such a power Jules, a spiritual energy that not many people posses, and I hope you harness that super power in every situation going forward because your unique instincts will only propel you to your amazing fate.”
I still get choked up when I think of the love, the encouragement and the unwavering belief in me they had.
They believed in my vision more than I did – that’s an incredible thing to feel. Their inspiring words empowered me and reinforced why I was on this journey. My head space went from one of anxiety and fear of the unknown, to one of quiet confidence and a deep belief that everything would be ok, because I was strong, capable and deserving.
I cannot tell you what that support meant to me sitting on an airplane headed to a foreign land. Their love gave me the courage to leap into the new chapter of my life.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to acknowledge other people. Never underestimate the role this encouragement plays in shaping those around us. It fuels, gives strength, lights fire and fosters belief.
“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
We assume that others know the greatness that lies within them, but we all need constant reminders. Often it’s as simple as holding up a mirror just so others can see how wonderful they truly are.
We are not islands.
We all need to relate to others, to feel connected, and most of all – to feel LOVED.
Thank you to all my energy sources, you know who you are.
Who can you fuel today?
