My face is still wet with tears.
I just got home from watching the Amy Winehouse Documentary tonight. I haven’t been this moved by a documentary in a long time.
authentic purpose
Why am I here?
I have done a lot of thinking, refining, meditating, and brainstorming on this question over the years. All of which has led me here, to Love Your Life. Your life purpose is not generally something that can be worked out quickly – or is it?
If you cant figure out your purpose, figure out your passion. For your passion will lead you straight to your purpose.
– T.D.Jakes
urban warrior
There’s been much in the movies about female warriors. Women with bows, arrows and bravery. And thank god, it’s a refreshing change from the typical damsel in distress characters we usually see.
But what about off the silver screen in our everyday lives? How do we show courage and bravery in a world filled with such anxiety, fear and worry? We are human beings terrified of each other – what will they think? what will they say? We are so scared of people that we can barely look a stranger in the eye as we walk down the street. [Read more…]
5 crucial conversation tools
Isn’t it ironic that the most important conversations we have, are often the ones we totally screw up?!
When the stakes are high, our ability to communicate decreases.
Think about it, our emotions run high when it’s a person, or a topic close to our hearts. Be it a difficult conversation with your best friend, a lover’s quarrel with your partner, workplace tension, or voicing your opinion in a family dispute. Yet when it’s something we feel neutral about, oh yes – the clearest, easiest, most effective communication yet!
Our bodies are hard-wired to react with the flight or fight response – yet now days we’re not running from wild lions, there is no imminent danger to our lives. We are just trying to communicate clearly, and effectively to other people about something really important to us. That level of emotion, and physical response isn’t really necessary anymore, in fact it completely hinders our ability to succeed.
Hardly fair is it?
Think about the last time you had a difficult conversation with someone. How did you feel? How did the conversation go? Did you feel like you were in control, composed, clearly expressing your view? Or was your heart beating faster, underarms a little damp, face a little hotter – trying hard to communicate candidly, but getting lost in translation? Sometimes I feel like these conversations are a runaway train that I am desperately trying to get back on track.
I often find that the level of success I have with crucial conversations directly correlates to the level of importance I place on them.
When I have no emotional involvement, I am detached from the situation and/or the outcome – and of course, that’s when I communicate the best. But flip that over to something I’m deeply attached to, or invested in, and boom – all effective verbal communication seems to fail me.
“We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.” – Thomas Moore
Thankfully there’s some tools we can utilise to better equip ourselves for these difficult conversations. Because remember, these are the ones that are the most important to us. They are the ones that will affect us the most, so you want to make sure they go well.
5 crucial conversation tools
1. Breathe – sounds simple, but sometimes hitting the pause button, biting your tongue and reconnecting to your breath is the most effective thing you can do. It gives your body a chance for the emotion to subside a little, and for you to gain clarity on how you want to proceed.
2. Listen – listen, listen, listen and then ask strategic questions. We often listen only with the intent to reply, as opposed to actually understanding what the other person is trying to convey. So before you start forming your response, or planning your next sentence, STOP. Clear your mind and listen purely with the intent to understand.
3. Commit – get clear on what you are committed to through the conversation. When emotions boil up to the surface, take a moment to remember why you are having this conversation. What brought you here? What are you committed to achieving? Focus on the outcome, rather than the twists and bends in the process. If you focus on your own commitment, you will worry less about how the other person reacts or responds. Having a commitment will steer you in the right direction.
4. Enrol – share with the other person what it is that you are comitted to. Having the commitment is one thing, but sharing it gains much more strength. Enrol them into what it is that you want to create or achieve together. You have the ability to move, touch or inspire them into the possibility of you both achieving this outcome together, as a team. This removes the ‘you’ Vs ‘me’ mentality, and breaks down the barriers preventing effective communication.
5. Reconvene – If all else fails, know that you can remove yourself from the situation. You are not a tree. Perhaps the best action is to take a step back, reflect, debrief and gather your thoughts. So that you can re-enter the conversation at a later date more effectively. Time is a magical healer. Just don’t wait too long, a day or two max. Don’t let things linger as the conversation will become harder the longer you put it off.
* Remember – YOU ARE NOT RUNNING FROM LIONS! !
You are just TALKING.
So pop these tools in your tool belt the next time you enter a crucial conversation. You might just find that you can nail these little tough guys!
Like anything, these will become easier with practice.
“I resolve to make each tough conversation better than the last.”
stop selling yourself short
I was very surprised when one of my clients told me today “You should charge people more”.
Have you ever had a paying customer tell you they want to pay more for your services?
Wow talk about truth bomb. I love the honesty and realness about that conversation. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Why do we sell ourselves short?
The more I think about it, the more it’s evident – someone compliments my outfit, I straightaway down play it – ‘oh this old thing, it’s nothing special!’. I receive praise for something, and I immediately shift the attention on to other people instead. I receive a compliment – and I start rattling off the reasons why it’s not really true. Seriously! Why do I do this?
Money in particular is a tough cookie. We seem to have a hard time asking for it – putting a monetary value on what we’re worth. When was the last time you walked into your boss’s office to successfully gain a pay rise? When was the last job interview that you negotiated your salary before accepting? And if you are doing it – then more power to ya!
I noticed this pattern when I was younger and new to the workforce. I didn’t fight for myself. But now I’m aware that if I don’t back myself, then who will? I have gained confidence when it comes to salary negotiation, and what I deem to be acceptable remuneration. But enter the sole trader (that’s me), and somehow all that confidence goes out the window. I’m no longer asking my manager for pay, I’m directly asking my clients for money out of their own pockets – that’s a big difference, and a change I need to get used to.
But in life we need to back ourselves. Put money on for the win.
“Sell yourself high, put a high value on yourself. Others will take notice, and may even raise your value even higher. You’ll find that you’re standing straighter, your head is higher, you’re getting a lot more respect and you’re a much happier and more successful person.”
What I have to offer is special. The work I do is important. And I am dam good at it.
I am worthy.
I am worthy.
I am worthy.
Yes, I am going to become best of friends with this little mantra. And next time someone pays me a compliment? I will smile, and say ‘thank you’.
Where in your life do you need to stand a little taller? Be a little louder?
Play to your strengths. This is your time to be LOUD & PROUD!
Hundred dolla bills y’all. Cha-ching!!
“Show me the money!” – Jerry Maguire
$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $
power from passion
I am high on life.
It sounds corny I know, but it’s true.
I feel alive. My heart feels bigger and is brimming with gratitude.
All because I truly LOVE what I do.
I have just finished a group vision and goal coaching session. This is one of my biggest passions, and when expressed, a powerful energy flows through me. I feel like I can accomplish anything! (To read my post on living your passion click here)
I haven’t always felt this way. In fact, this is probably the first time in my life. And it’s solely the result of consistently focusing on what I love:
communication. inspiration. personal growth.
By focusing on these things, I have brought more of what I love into my life. It’s the law of attraction working.
For me, the barrier between work and play has been removed. I don’t live for the weekends, I no longer dread Monday or celebrate Friday. I have a true balance in my life. My time ebbs and flows effortlessly between my personal, professional and social lives.
To tell the truth, I never really believed it was possible to feel this way. A few years ago I thought that stress, anxiety and the pressure of the daily grind were just part of life. Nope, turns out it was just part of the wrong life for me.
I yearned for something more. I made some big changes. And with those changes opened up new possibilities.
I now know my purpose.
I know what I was put on this earth to do. I have found my happiness through teaching happiness.
Its taken many years for me to stand in this place, and I’m forever grateful for the winding journey. I dedicated a lot of time towards self exploration and enquiry. It was frustrating at times, wanting to know all the answers right NOW! I tried to remain patient, as I knew that with time what I was searching for would come organically.
I now know more about myself, and as a result feel more connected to who I truly am. To what’s authentically me.
So my advice to you – get out of your head, and listen to what your heart is saying.
Listen again . . . listen harder.
Your body intrinsically knows what it truly desires.
What do you LOVE to do? The more you pay attention to your heart – to your passions, to what excites you – the clearer the message will become.
It will become so loud that you can no longer ignore it, or push it aside for a rainy day.
It will force you to act upon it, and your life will never be the same again.
life lessons from a monster
I found myself last night watching ‘Monsters University’ – wearing 3D glasses, eating popcorn and surrounded by little kids (and other adults that love a good animated flick!).
I originally went just to relax and have a laugh, but it ended up being a little more than that. I was impressed with the key lessons in the game of life that were sprinkled throughout the story.
A little unexpected side order of enlightenment to my entertainment! And a good example of art imitating life.
life lessons from a monster
- harness your strengths: utilise what you’re great at, the things you naturally do the BEST. You will get much further in life by harnessing your strengths, instead of trying to improve on your weaknesses.
- ditch the mould, be unique: don’t focus on trying to be like everyone else, or what society expects of you. Don’t try to be something you’re not. Instead, focus on being the full expression of YOU. We all have a unique gift to offer the world, and we flourish when we find and use that gifting. Life works best when we celebrate our uniqueness, our differences. Don’t be afraid to be yourself, be true to who you are, always.
- do what you love: follow your passions, do what makes your heart sing. There is a power that comes from focusing on what lights you up inside. Do what you love – even if you fail at the first attempt, failing is good for the soul and builds endurance. Everyone has some kind of capability that can be tapped into and allowed to let flourish. (To read my post on living your passion, click here)
- believe!: determination and self conviction will get you everywhere. Ignore the nay-sayers, the pessimists, and the downright bullies in life. Believe in yourself whole heartedly. You never know what you are capable of unless you try. Change your thoughts, and you will change your world.
Not everything in life will go according to your plan. But that doesn’t mean you won’t be happy or find new dreams.
You will make a new plan, a better plan, one that is more aligned with your unique calling in life.
I truly believe that everyone has their own purpose, their life work.
Sometimes you just have to forget the path you think has been laid out for you and follow your own.
live your passion
The following quote jumped off the page of a book I read recently –
“Live your passion. What does that mean anyway? It means that when you get up in the morning, you are pumped because you get to talk about or work with or do the thing that interests you the most in the world. You don’t live for vacations because you don’t need a break from what you’re doing – working, playing, and relaxing are one and the same. You don’t even pay attention to how many hours you’re working because to you, it’s not really work. You’re making money, but you’d do whatever it is you’re doing for free.” – Gary Vaynerchuk
What are your passions?
Are you living them?
If not, what is holding you back?
Your are made up of a unique set of passions, things that speak to your soul and light you up. Your passions make you feel truly alive, and self-expressed. You are your best version of yourself when living them.
What would your life look like if you chose to harness these passions? What if you actually got paid to do what you love? What kind of personal power and freedom would be possible for you?
Some people have the archaic belief that they will never make any money doing what they love, but in today’s world this has never been further from the truth. People all over the world today are earning a living doing exactly that. With the rise of the information society, and social media people can now monetize their passions, hobbies, and interests like never before. We spend the majority of our lives at work, why not spend it doing what you love most?
My Dad always told me ‘do what makes you happy, and you’ll be great at it’. This is something that has always resonated with me.
Do what you love. Follow your heart. Success will follow.
It’s as simple as that.
You owe it to yourself, life is too short not too.
