Today I realised that I can count all my single friends on one hand.

Talk about a wake-up call. Wow, when did that happen?

Slowly but surely, my circle of friends has partnered off, one by one, and are now either engaged or married.

That’s to be expected as you enter your thirties, that’s the way life goes doesn’t it?

It’s been such a beautiful thing to witness and be part of these celebrations. Sharing these special experiences with my friends has been wonderful. I truly am so happy for them. (And I don’t say that with a forced smile, deep down resenting my friends for finding happiness. Not at all, I am genuinely happy for them).

But this has also been a time where fomo (fear of missing out) rears its ugly little head.

This is me being real and vulnerable with you. . .

The worry creeps in now and then, that I am somehow ‘behind’ all of my friends, and that I am missing out. That my life has been put on hold until I find ‘the one’. Sometimes I feel like the person that no one picked for their team, standing alone, looking at everyone else together, and happy.

Even though these thoughts are fleeting, and don’t by any means consume me – they still appear. Yup, fomo can be a real bit*ch!

“Comparison is the thief of joy” – Theodore Roosevelt

Why do I feel like I’m missing out anyway? Like there’s only a certain number of soul-mates, and that when other’s find their partner, that some how, my own chances are diminished? Ridiculous.

I hear people talk about their ‘time running out’, and unfortunately for women of a certain age this is a real fact. We do hear the loud ticking of our biological clocks – as it means either not being able to conceive, or running the risk of pregnancy complications, birth defects and more. Luckily I’m not at that point, but this is real stuff for some women. You can’t chant that away, or positive-phsyc yourself out of that situation. No amount of crystals, or incense is going to change the fact that yes, our eggs do have an expiry date.

Plus there’s the old chestnut of “I don’t want to be 65 years old at my child’s 21st birthday!”. Yup, I can relate to that one. I’ve always wanted to be a young-mum, so that I can relate to my kids, and have the energy to keep up with them! Plus, how cool would it be to be a great-grandma one day? If you had of asked me ten years ago, I would have said by now I would have already have popped out two kids!

It seems like adding insult to injury when you start to see ex-boyfriends get engaged and tie the knot – even the ones that spoke about fear of commitment, and not wanting marriage in their lives. It’s easy to feel like we’re prepping our partners for marriage, doing all the ground-work – only to have someone else reap all the benefits of our hard work! haha yes, I’m LAUGHING as a type this! It’s so ridiculous.

These thoughts are definitely not my beliefs, yet they still pop up – the preverbal devil on my shoulder – to test my strength and faith.  Why do we do this to ourselves? Our minds work in mysterious ways.

We don’t have a say over how many of these things in life will pan out, but here’s what YOU CAN DO –

You can CHOOSE the perspective you take, and the attitude you hold.

I could sit here and whine about “when is it my turn?”, or lament about the fact that I don’t have a big bunch of single girlfriends to go out with anymore – but what good would that do? How would that make me feel? It’s not going to change my situation, not only that, it’s actually going to make me feel worse for it.

I know that my time hasn’t come yet. I have no angst or worry about if, and when, it will come either.

I have my health, a great circle of friends, a loving family – and most importantly, the relationship I have with myself is stellar! Now those are things to be thankful for. Gratitude has an incredible way of tipping the scales in our favour.

I love my life, my independence, and I wouldn’t change one thing about the choices I’ve made. My experiences have made me who I am, and I am forever grateful for having such a rich and full life.

The most important relationship we will ever have, is the one with ourself.

Love begins with us. How pure is the love between two people that barely even love themselves? To stay with someone because your scared of being alone, or to think you won’t find a better partner – these are not reasons to stay in a relationship. Personally, I would rather be alone and happy, than in a relationship and unhappy. Hands down. I have experienced the latter, and will never allow myself to be in that situation again. But that’s just me, and we all choose our own path.

I love myself today far more than I ever have. I am clear about who I am as a person. I have had the time to grow and expand alone, without letting myself be defined by another. I know what I want from a relationship, and what I have to contribute. I know what I deserve, and what I will, and will not compromise on.

I am so clear on what I want to create for my life, and look forward to meeting someone to share it all with. Someone to give love to, to support, to encourage. I want a relationship that makes us better people, that lifts us both up and brings out our best qualities – otherwise, what’s the point?

In the meantime, instead of waiting for my prince charming – I’m going to treasure myself, prioritise my happiness, make time for me – and tell myself ‘I love you’ every day.

Yup I’m starting a love-affair with myself, and it’s going to be hot and steamy!

Mills & Boon, eat your heart out.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”

– Oscar Wilde