I made a pretty big decision last week.

One that popped up unexpectedly – it snuck in through the back door like a stealth ninja.

I have decided to stay here in Australia.

This came as a big surprise to me. I wasn’t even home-sick living in Canada! Of course, I missed my friends and family – but I never had those heart-wrenching moments of despair that made me want to pack my bags and leave. It is an amazing place, and I had a fantastic time there. I created friends and memories that will last me a lifetime.

But being home has slowly stolen my heart.

With the whirl-wind that has been my visit home, I didn’t stop and think about what I actually wanted. I just thought I was here for a visit, temporarily – before I was to get back on a plane to Canada. My calendar was jam-packed with coffee dates, dinners, lunches, sweat dates – quality time catch up’s left right and centre! And with the hype leading up to my best friends wedding, I never took the time out to connect back with myself, and check-in with how I was actually feeling.

What do I want?   Where do I want to be?   What do I want to do?

These were the questions that starting spinning through my mind just three days before my scheduled departure date. Along side these thoughts was an anxiety that took hold of my gut. I didn’t have the luxury of time, which meant I couldn’t afford to hesitate. I had to make a decision quick smart!

Enter the FREAK OUT! Why was I thinking these thoughts? What does all this mean? Am I scared about going back to the unknown, a new city, no job, no home? But I’ve done all that before when I moved overseas, so surely I’m not ‘scared’, I know I can do it. Then I started to question where the anxiety was coming from – maybe I actually just don’t want to go?

I let these thoughts settle, and I sat with them for a day. That was a very uncomfortable 24 hours let me tell you! Not knowing the answer was a hard thing for me.

There were signs popping up all over the place, but it took me a little while to notice them. My living arrangements for Canada fell through, then so did the job I was hoping for. Obviously a huge factor was my Auntie’s health, with the recent news of her diagnosis. All these things caused me to question my motivation for returning.

I could go on an on about the many factors in my decision – but you know the most liberating thing? I didn’t even need to justify my choice. Not to myself, nor to anyone else.

I felt it in my gut.

I knew something didn’t feel right about me leaving. And it was as simple as that. So within 24 hours I had made up my mind about where I wanted to be. I wanted to be here. To be home.

“Always, always trust your first gut instincts. If you feel in your heart and soul that something is wrong, it probably is.”

The moment I made my choice, I felt the anxiety and angst lift. The knot in my stomach and the furrow in my brow just melted away. A HUGE weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It felt right in my body.

I am very much a “let’s weigh up the pro’s and con’s” type girl, someone that writes lists, analyses all the options, and makes decisions based on logic, fact, and what’s “right” for me. This was honestly the first time that I let my own intuition guide me on such a big decision. I can’t express how good that feels!

The biggest take away from all of this?

I GET TO CREATE MY LIFE.

So it’s not so much about where I choose to live geographically. I know I will love my life wherever I am. It’s that I have the power to create whatever I choose. Because I am in control of my own destiny.

I am excited about building my life here, and being surrounded by my loved ones again.

Thank you oh holy gut, you know all the answers.

You are far wiser than I’ll ever be.

I look forward to using you more often.