Julia Matheson
So in one week I have been more pro-active in my love life than I have in the past 12 months!
Don’t worry, get your mind out of the gutter, it’s not that kind of action!
This week I was set up on not one, but TWO blind dates *cringe*. And as if that wasn’t enough, I was also challenged to get onto the ‘Tinder’ App by my lovely colleagues. Done and done. Phewww, someone give me a couch to lay on for a while, this work is EXHAUSTING! [Read more…]
I like to fix things. To have everything flowing.
To solve any problems to maintain equilibrium. My world feels out of balance when something or someone is out of sorts.
But I’m learning that to save my own sanity, sometimes you just need to step away.
You know what they say, time heals all wounds. Well I’m the one with my finger on the fast forward button – repeatedly! I’m leaning more and more, that I can only control myself – my mind, my emotions, my actions. I can’t, and never will be able to control anything outside of myself. This is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learnt to date.
What situations or people kill your vibe? Have you removed yourself? If not, why do you keep subjecting yourself to these vibe killers? Is it a false sense of responsibility, fear of judgement, or perhaps it’s simply just become a habit? Know that you can step away at any moment. We always have a choice in life. Freedom is one footstep away.
This has been hard for me, I have to consciously make myself stop, breathe and let go. It’s been tough at times, but what’s even harder is swimming upstream. Constantly trying to force situations that maybe should just be left alone. Sometimes we need to push against the current, and sometimes we just need to let the stream gently guide us along. Deciphering between the two is the challenge.
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.”
I’m learning that choosing to step away, and allowing distance to form is sometimes the only thing I can do. Actually, its the best thing I can do. And it’s a choice I have in every moment.
And perhaps it’s in this distance that the solution will come. I don’t know. Only time will tell.
In the meantime I’m putting up my ‘Bad-Vibe Protection’ Shield.
Surround yourself with love, support and kindness – you deserve nothing less.
** GOOD VIBES ONLY **
Today I realised that I can count all my single friends on one hand.
Talk about a wake-up call. Wow, when did that happen?
Slowly but surely, my circle of friends has partnered off, one by one, and are now either engaged or married.
That’s to be expected as you enter your thirties, that’s the way life goes doesn’t it?
It’s been such a beautiful thing to witness and be part of these celebrations. Sharing these special experiences with my friends has been wonderful. I truly am so happy for them. (And I don’t say that with a forced smile, deep down resenting my friends for finding happiness. Not at all, I am genuinely happy for them).
But this has also been a time where fomo (fear of missing out) rears its ugly little head.
This is me being real and vulnerable with you. . .
The worry creeps in now and then, that I am somehow ‘behind’ all of my friends, and that I am missing out. That my life has been put on hold until I find ‘the one’. Sometimes I feel like the person that no one picked for their team, standing alone, looking at everyone else together, and happy.
Even though these thoughts are fleeting, and don’t by any means consume me – they still appear. Yup, fomo can be a real bit*ch!
“Comparison is the thief of joy” – Theodore Roosevelt
Why do I feel like I’m missing out anyway? Like there’s only a certain number of soul-mates, and that when other’s find their partner, that some how, my own chances are diminished? Ridiculous.
I hear people talk about their ‘time running out’, and unfortunately for women of a certain age this is a real fact. We do hear the loud ticking of our biological clocks – as it means either not being able to conceive, or running the risk of pregnancy complications, birth defects and more. Luckily I’m not at that point, but this is real stuff for some women. You can’t chant that away, or positive-phsyc yourself out of that situation. No amount of crystals, or incense is going to change the fact that yes, our eggs do have an expiry date.
Plus there’s the old chestnut of “I don’t want to be 65 years old at my child’s 21st birthday!”. Yup, I can relate to that one. I’ve always wanted to be a young-mum, so that I can relate to my kids, and have the energy to keep up with them! Plus, how cool would it be to be a great-grandma one day? If you had of asked me ten years ago, I would have said by now I would have already have popped out two kids!
It seems like adding insult to injury when you start to see ex-boyfriends get engaged and tie the knot – even the ones that spoke about fear of commitment, and not wanting marriage in their lives. It’s easy to feel like we’re prepping our partners for marriage, doing all the ground-work – only to have someone else reap all the benefits of our hard work! haha yes, I’m LAUGHING as a type this! It’s so ridiculous.
These thoughts are definitely not my beliefs, yet they still pop up – the preverbal devil on my shoulder – to test my strength and faith. Why do we do this to ourselves? Our minds work in mysterious ways.
We don’t have a say over how many of these things in life will pan out, but here’s what YOU CAN DO –
You can CHOOSE the perspective you take, and the attitude you hold.
I could sit here and whine about “when is it my turn?”, or lament about the fact that I don’t have a big bunch of single girlfriends to go out with anymore – but what good would that do? How would that make me feel? It’s not going to change my situation, not only that, it’s actually going to make me feel worse for it.
I know that my time hasn’t come yet. I have no angst or worry about if, and when, it will come either.
I have my health, a great circle of friends, a loving family – and most importantly, the relationship I have with myself is stellar! Now those are things to be thankful for. Gratitude has an incredible way of tipping the scales in our favour.
I love my life, my independence, and I wouldn’t change one thing about the choices I’ve made. My experiences have made me who I am, and I am forever grateful for having such a rich and full life.
The most important relationship we will ever have, is the one with ourself.
Love begins with us. How pure is the love between two people that barely even love themselves? To stay with someone because your scared of being alone, or to think you won’t find a better partner – these are not reasons to stay in a relationship. Personally, I would rather be alone and happy, than in a relationship and unhappy. Hands down. I have experienced the latter, and will never allow myself to be in that situation again. But that’s just me, and we all choose our own path.
I love myself today far more than I ever have. I am clear about who I am as a person. I have had the time to grow and expand alone, without letting myself be defined by another. I know what I want from a relationship, and what I have to contribute. I know what I deserve, and what I will, and will not compromise on.
I am so clear on what I want to create for my life, and look forward to meeting someone to share it all with. Someone to give love to, to support, to encourage. I want a relationship that makes us better people, that lifts us both up and brings out our best qualities – otherwise, what’s the point?
In the meantime, instead of waiting for my prince charming – I’m going to treasure myself, prioritise my happiness, make time for me – and tell myself ‘I love you’ every day.
Yup I’m starting a love-affair with myself, and it’s going to be hot and steamy!
Mills & Boon, eat your heart out.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.”
– Oscar Wilde
Do you realise how powerful your words of encouragement are?
Why is it that we hang onto negative comments, or constructive feedback so much tighter than we do positive, kind words?
I can bring to mind within seconds any comments that have been critical, constructive or downright hurtful – yet ask me to list all the wonderful, positive affirmations that I have received over the years and I’d have to really rummage around to find these buried deep in the recesses of my memory bank.
Most people I coach are exactly the same. When asked what they are great at, what they do best in the world – the answers trickle in slowly and cautiously, like pulling teeth. Yet when I ask people to step outside of themselves, and think about what other people would say; what they are often complimented on, what people rely on them for, what their friends or family would say they are great at – it becomes so much easier to rattle off their strengths.
Why do we do this?!
Perhaps it’s a fear of looking full of ourselves, or that we will seem too ego driven.
Or perhaps we are better at acknowledging the greatness in others, ahead of the greatness in ourselves.
So I shared with you previously how a year ago I took the plunge, and moved to the other side of the world. What i didn’t tell you, was the support network that gave me the courage to leap into the unknown.
I am blessed to come from one of the most nurturing families on earth. As the years go by, I am feeling more and more grateful. I have only been met with possibility, love, support and encouragement from all of them, and this was so evident when I made the decision to move overseas. My chosen people, my “sista’s from anotha mista” are also responsible for giving me the strength and belief in myself that made this scary big move possible.
These people really did fuel me on my adventure.
I took three pieces of gold with me onto the plane that day. Three handwritten letters, from my twin sister, and my two best friends.
I knew it was going to be one of those ugly cry moments when I finally read them. As I sat on the plane on the third leg of my epic flight, I finally felt ready to open them. At the risk of sounding like I’m tooting my own horn, I want to share some excerpts from these letters with you. In doing so I hope to highlight how important our relationships are with each other, and the power that we all have in supporting those we love:
I still get choked up when I think of the love, the encouragement and the unwavering belief in me they had.
They believed in my vision more than I did – that’s an incredible thing to feel. Their inspiring words empowered me and reinforced why I was on this journey. My head space went from one of anxiety and fear of the unknown, to one of quiet confidence and a deep belief that everything would be ok, because I was strong, capable and deserving.
I cannot tell you what that support meant to me sitting on an airplane headed to a foreign land. Their love gave me the courage to leap into the new chapter of my life.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to acknowledge other people. Never underestimate the role this encouragement plays in shaping those around us. It fuels, gives strength, lights fire and fosters belief.
“Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
We assume that others know the greatness that lies within them, but we all need constant reminders. Often it’s as simple as holding up a mirror just so others can see how wonderful they truly are.
We are not islands.
We all need to relate to others, to feel connected, and most of all – to feel LOVED.
Thank you to all my energy sources, you know who you are.
Who can you fuel today?
I just returned from a fabulous adventure across Canada with my parents. We hadn’t seen each other since I left Australia a year ago, and what an incredible reunion we had!
It’s not often the three of us get to spend time together, just us. Me moving countries obviously created an obstacle, but the other reason is I have a twin sister, so the family catch ups have always been all four of us – which I love! But it was really special and rare to have that time with my parents – solo.
What is quality time anyway? It’s a term that gets thrown around a lot.
What does it mean to you?
For me, it means being present, having real conversations, asking deeper questions, building stronger bonds, getting more related, really appreciating and having fun in each others company.
Quality time = Creating memories
It’s not scrolling through my iphone during meals, it’s not being stingy with my listening, it’s not reacting like my 16 year-old self may have done. It comes back to my previous post on integrity, to me it’s being responsible for the energy I supply in the time we spend together.
While driving through the Rocky Mountains we played a question game (I think it was actually designed for first dates, but it worked a treat!). We asked each other; What are your greatest accomplishments in life? Who are the people who have had the biggest influence on your life? If you could live any place in the world where would it be and why? What is the most challenging thing you’ve ever endured? What’s something that no one knows about you? What’s your favourite childhood memory?
It was priceless to get these insights into my parents. Often the people closest to us are the one’s we know the least about.
I’m so grateful for the quality time we had together during this holiday. We created memories I will never forget.
Life is short. Memories are precious.
If you’re going to spend time with your loved ones, make it quality time.
